seasons change

you remain the same

you came today

and took me away

from the bitterness

patters of shame

make me into a mandala

see all my colors diverge

into different directions

visions

distinct

always flowing

sometimes sane

strangeness is beauty

or is beauty strange

when i analyze life too much

feels like a nail in my brain

deeply embedded

a lobotomy can’t shake

the way that i think

the clarity of the rain

cold

sweet

and innocent

visions of purity

the way that i think

the words that i seek

to explain

my existence

its on the border of

something

and nothing

the middle of

nowhere

or the start of

somehow

somewhere

im longing to see you

im longing to love you

im longing to be you

to melt into your soft skin

a depthless surrender

make me into a cistern

i dont have it in me to hold you

i overflow into your regions

we flow so

beautifully

like the songs of a cello

you came today

didn’t you?

or is your presence imagined?

i hear your ghostly whispers

you’re the air that surrounds me

i breathe you in

hold you in

closer

you linger

and disappear

into the shadows

i need you close to me

i need your light

in order to see

past the

perversity

and the disease

that overtakes

Mankind

and makes everyone

of us

strange

wild

and quite blind.

…….

 

health diary:

i wake up today. 5:45. it’s freezing and quite dark. a run and a pilates workout later, i feel myself burst into the joy that i long to feel. so hungry for breakfast, i drink green tea w/honey, eat 2 pieces of “zapekanky” which is kind of like a cottage cheese pie, and a 16 oz protein shake (raw whole milk, RWP, raspberries, wild sea buckthorn berries, banana). yum. have 3 english lessons today. and it’s the closing of the botanical gardens. we’re having a party of sorts. thank god i finally have some nice clothes brought from the city…much love.

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